Oliver is…

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man

…not impressed by some of Google’s findings

I love vanity searches on Google and because I think I’m the only person in the world with my name it’s nice not to have any competition for these searches. Thanks to my IMDB profile, scraper sites seem to think I’m a celebrity and will set up all sorts of weird and wonderful pages about me. Here’s my life path (looks good to me) and here’s a page asking about my birthday in as many ways as it can think of.

There are some other good mentions of me. At stv I wrote an early review of Girls Aloud’s Tangled Up album (I think the first online) which got picked up (and even translated) by many pop forums. Because I liked the album quite often the fans liked my review, apart from one who decided to refer to me as ‘she‘ in their post.

My writing career has got me quite a few results – my most recent freelance stuff shows up as well as poker reviews, some crappy Helium articles and loads of stuff from last year’s festival. The last includes mentions on Alexis Dubus‘ site and both Eri Jackson and Daniel Lawrence Taylor‘s sites (better known as Ginger and Black), which I quite like.

Not all my reviews have been taken in quite the way I intended them, though. There’s a band in Aberdeen called The Underkills who I have tremendous respect for, despite not liking their music. I wrote a review slagging them off and ended it saying they sounded so generic I couldn’t distinguish them at all, but perhaps that would work in their favour and they’d make it big along with all the other mediocre bands who sound the same. They now have on their myspace and other bios: “The Underkills sound…could lead to huge success”. This reminds me of something I once saw in Private Eye about a run of a musical that put a quote from a respected publication simply as “wonderful” – the review was completely slamming the performance and the quote they had shortened was something along the lines of “how could they mess up this wonderful piece of work so badly?”

Apart from all the MySpace and Bebo comments (many of which I’ve now deleted, although some are on dead profiles so hopefully they’ll disappear soon) the worst results in my search isn’t all the rubbish JC put through at work under my name, it’s from iCelebsDB.com.

As far as I’m aware I have never posed for nude pictures or naked videos, but I’m still slightly worried that there’s a link saying you can see those things. My only hope is that no one searches for my name with the word naked after it.

Filed under: life, ,

4 Responses

  1. Calum says:

    Calum from the Underkills here – can’t believe you rumbled us on that quote!!


  2. Calum says:

    Also – meant to say, I’m going to quote you from now on as saying “There’s a band in Aberdeen called The Underkills who I have tremendous respect for”


  3. Oliver says:

    Ha, good work! Although I don’t have any sort of publication to put weight behind my quotes any more, I might start littering the internet with comments about your band to see what you end up using.

  4. Jemma says:

    Haha this is so funny- you thought your SERPs were bad in August, wait until November! And check out Calum from the Underkills, he’s not even bothered that you didn’t like them or that you found them out for misquoting you, what a cool guy 😀

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