Oliver is…

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man

…telling all the secrets of Vegas

Out of all the places I’ve ever been, none has given such a clear cut decision that I’ll never go back. It’s not that I’m not glad to have visited Las Vegas, but seeing the monstrosity in all its glory once is enough for me.

While it wasn’t exactly what I had picture in my mind (I thought it would be more like how Times Square actually is, more on that in a few months), it was still brightly lit, huge and totally ridiculous.

It does attract some amazing shows (I saw the Blue Man Group, who were brilliant and very blue) but also has a number of odd things from the expensive jousting show (enjoyably cheesy) to the free pirate show (disappointingly cheesy). The casinos also have ridiculous attractions, whether it’s a replica of the Eiffel Tower or the Statue of Liberty, a fake canal system with a nod to Venice and just extreme additions like a roller coaster that goes through the casino. Thankfully I’d picked a hotel that didn’t have a casino, as most other places you’d have to walk through the flashing, beeping, smoke-filled, soul-sucking attractions every time you wanted to get to your room or a restaurant.

jousting-vegas
Accommodation in Vegas is very cheap, because of all the competition, and while it’s possible to find places that have a cheap pizza or something, generally food and drink is expensive. A single banana from the convenience store cost 99c, which is around three times more than a pound of bananas in a normal city. (Apparently there are around three averages bananas in a pound — so nine times more expensive or something?)

venice-vegas

Of course, there are ways to make things cheaper. I went on a tour of a time share facility that took a few hours in return for two expensive tickets to the theatre and two ridiculously overpriced buffet tickets and, whisper it quietly, was quite persuaded by the sales pitch. Is that because I’m an idiot? Who knows?

statue-of-liberty-vegas

I also went to a vow renewal ceremony of the lovely potential-auntie-in-law who took me to Universal Studios. They went with an Elvis impersonator and it was a lot of fun. I wouldn’t recommend it for the first time you get married, but if you’re renewing vows 20 years later it seems like a great idea. Just to be clear, I did not get married in Vegas.

excalibur-castle-vegas

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